Although it was a really good weekend I did feel sorry for my youngest sister, because she's 6 and so buzzing to do everything so fast and she always wanted to get up for the party dances in the evening and the sister that's the next in age is 14 so unfortunately she's at that age where she's too cool to get up and do that, then the next age is 16 and she only had access to the outside world in the clubhouse so was catching up with people which meant it was me who got up with her (the others joined in eventually) and I'm there with my world class poker face doing agadoo thinking jesus christ I can literally feel my hip crumbling! (Okay exaggeration but the pain is intense)
I deserve an Oscar for the smiles I put on to be honest and my best friend tweeted and said she hates people who feel sorry for themselves and I know it sounds like that's what I'm doing but I think it's mostly because as I said in my last post it's only just really hit me.
So a bit of personal use for this blog- I'm getting to the point now where I just want my head shaved as my hair is not my pal at the moment! My pain is alright at the moment I suppose even though it still throws me that it's in unusual places, obviously I have the pain in my belly that is really bad most days but then I have these pains in my ankles and my right hip and my wrists! I've started doing yoga before I go to bed I'm literally shaking my head at myself because, yoga? Seriously? So I'm no yoga expert and I really don't do it properly it's a bit more like, stretching my body out and calming myself down, bit of breathing slowly and it has started to help with my sleeping. Though if anyone has any advice for sleeping soundly whilst in pain I would really appreciate it! :*
So I started writing this blog this morning, then left it to go about my daily life, had a really REALLY down day today which has left me awake at 1am thinking about how annoyed I am at myself.
Tomorrow is a new day because today I went a met someone who is one of the most important and stable people in my life, this person and I have not always been close, infact, we were the complete opposite of close a few years ago, but now I can't imagine a day going by without her, she is a listener, a shoulder, an expert at hot water bottle refills, a hilarious pal, a fellow friends lover and just all round my soldier (private joke) so today I turn up with the most disgusting, depressed look on my face and she just KNOWS. She just sat there and listened to all my shit and I'm not joking within 10 minutes of talking about some pretty serious stuff, I'm laughing... I mean, really?
It's not even like, that forced laugh you do when you're trying to cover your upset? It's the laugh you do when you realise not being alone in things mean they aren't as bad as they could be.
SO, returning to my previous point tomorrow is a new day, tomorrow (today) is actually an exciting day for me, so I am going to try really hard to have a genuine smile on my face and be thankful, because I am a very very lucky girl, I have amazing friends, incredible family, I have money in my bank, a roof over my head and food in my belly (oh christ, now I'm hungry so I'm clearly lacking with the food part) I am going to try really hard at this even if I do know I will fail multiple times and I am going to be honest about my failures on this blog, because if I'm not honest on here what is the point?
I'm still receiving amazing messages from people which just makes my heart feel so full, warm and makes me feel incredibly loved.
So my positive happy thought of today is:
I saw my friend and she has given me this epiphany to make everyday count! I'm reading through some online forums and to be honest, they are helping. It's reminding me I'm not the only person in the world with this and I need to stop feeling so sorry for myself because, quite frankly, it's boring.
I have cancer, it's not my life, it's just a part of it.
Also, side note, if you don't like me, yet have read this far on my blog, could I just ask that you aren't a bellend about it? Please only read this if you care or you're interested, I really hope I don't have anyone as my friend on facebook that is not my actual friend, one of the reasons for this blog being published in the first place is because I don't want any false information being discussed, you know EXACTLY what's going on if you read this, so if you're just being nosy that's FINE! Just no negativity please!
Ed Sheeran is currently playing in my room and just... well, come on, it's E.S- I'm feeling GOOOOOD!
My next post will be about a specific cancer and the first one I will post about, as requested by my Daddy will be Testicular Cancer, there is a gentleman I've met on my hospital travels who has this cancer so I'm going to do a bit of faux journalism with him and make it nice and personal WITH the facts!
Fingers Crossed!
My Nanny will be picking the next cancer so she better get ready! ;)
Lots of Love to you all,
Smile and be grateful and thankful for all you have,
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